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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28699209">An Akudama's Heart</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/LStar/pseuds/LStar'>LStar</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Akudama Drive (Anime)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Blood and Injury, Character Study, Episode 9, Grief/Mourning, Hurt No Comfort, I promised back when I made my first fic, M/M, Sex mentioned, So here we are, except for like two lines from hoodlum, i just felt like making something angsty, my own little analysis, really idk what this is, swindler and pupil are mentioned, that I would make another, there's no dialogue, uhh</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 08:36:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,360</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28699209</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/LStar/pseuds/LStar</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Hoodlum, even in his final moments, won't stop thinking about Brawler.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Brawler/Hoodlum (Akudama Drive)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>An Akudama's Heart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hi I just needed to write angst so...</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <span>Tears dripped down Hoodlum’s face as he stared at Doctor’s cruel smile. His heart lurched painfully in his chest, his bloody hands twitching. He’d allowed this- allowed her to do whatever she pleased with him. And he was fine with that. But her stitching Brawler’s wound up just so it would reopen again..? It was too much. It was the worst possible scenario.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His bro...his fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>love</span>
  </em>
  <span> didn’t have to die.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All of Hoodlum’s life, he never felt like he amounted to much, so he’d turned to lying as a coping mechanism. Lying was all he could do...pretend he was worth something more than just a worthless piece of trash.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Where would he be, if he hadn’t heard the million dollar reward for Cutthroat’s release? Probably still in prison. Living out his sentence for petty thievery.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Was it worth it?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well...yes and no. There were pros and cons to his current situation. On one hand, his friends were dying. Everything has become so surreal that it’d been a struggle to keep up. And the risk of death had increased tenfold, he was now considered a dangerous S-Rank Akudama, when previously he’d simply been a mere thief with a knife, who would give in easily if intimidated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hated it. Despised it, really.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>However, he met Brawler, who had done the most incredible things he’s ever seen. He did things that Hoodlum could only wish he could do. He was strong, athletic, and despite his cruel nature and thirst for blood, he was kind to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hoodlum’s never truly been with anyone before, so he couldn’t say for sure, but he had an inkling suspicion he’d fallen head over heels for Brawler.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Be it blind admiration at first, sure, but Brawler seemed happy too. Happy to see him, to be with him. Brawler always turned to Hoodlum first for his thoughts, his opinions on matters.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And hey, he wasn’t really a bad guy. Not necessarily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Back after getting off the Shinkansen, when Swindler called Doctor a bully, Brawler was the first to speak up about how uncool that was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe that’s what made Hoodlum fall for him. He wasn’t a heartless meathead like everyone claims he was. Sure, he killed people but...it was complicated. Hoodlum was sure something had to have happened in his life that led him to be this way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then...the executioner came and attacked. Brawler gave his life, having the best time ever, fighting this guy. Hoodlum had hoped to make it to him in time, but seeing his dead body, his unmoving, smiling face, hit hard, and in his grief he attacked the other executioner, who was on her knees by the other’s side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He couldn’t kill her. He wasn’t like Brawler.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Or so he thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ever since that moment, Hoodlum had berated himself. Hating himself for being so cowardly. He consistently asked himself, what would Brawler do? How would he handle this?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It always hurt him. His chest would constrict and his eyes would burn with unshed tears. He couldn’t cry forever about it, after all. Brawler wouldn’t want that, he was sure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He even let Doctor have her way with him as a means of getting over what had happened. But the entire they had sex, he couldn’t get into it. He couldn’t stop thinking about Brawler. His mind raced, and his chest felt tight. Even when pleasure overtook him, his mind was on Brawler.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe that’s why now he couldn’t stop crying. He felt the same hurt as always, making it difficult to breathe. Making him yearn for Brawler’s presence once again. But for the first time since the night of Brawler’s death, Hoodlum felt anger. Slowly, ever so slowly, it was taking over his entire physical being.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could hear Swindler, he could hear the executioner lady call Doctor out. But Doctor remained unfazed. She was in control, just as she always wanted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Until she wasn’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doors all around them opened, and people began pouring out, begging for the Shinkansen to open the doors and let them in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fools, they’ll all die out there. All of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But that didn’t matter to Hoodlum. Their lives didn’t matter. His sharp, red hot gaze was focused on Doctor’s surprised look.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He remembered what she taught him. And with her distracted, this was the perfect opportunity. He got up off of his knees, wiping at his tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>For you, my bro…</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He took his first step forward.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No, for my love…</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>His grip on his knife tightened.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I will do anything for you.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He took a deep breath, watching as Doctor helplessly looked around, her bright pink lips moving. He couldn’t hear what she was saying. She was distracted.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Even kill.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He ran forward, his determination solidifying.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You’ve done so much for me.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Hoodlum lifted the knife as he drew closer to the pinkette.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You’ve protected me, made me laugh, made me realize what love truly is. And for that…</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The knife came in contact with Doctor’s throat. Blood spurted everywhere as the two of them collapsed to the ground, with Hoodlum on top of her.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Thank you.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Hoodlum pulled back, staring at Doctor’s stunned face, ignoring the large pool of blood around them. The look on her face brought a sick sense of satisfaction to him, and the painful quelling in his heart slowly quenched.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I did it just like you taught me,” he hissed as blood started pouring out of her mouth. How ironic was it that Doctor had thought of him as useless, as just a petty little liar who can’t look after himself, and yet was killed by him?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As he spoke, he saw her arm move a little. And when he finished, her arm shot out. A brief, flaring pain shot up through Hoodlum’s throat, his eyes widening as he let out a choked cry. Black spots danced in his vision. He fell.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Was it enough though?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He couldn’t breathe. So this...what it was like to die. He wasn’t...scared though. He didn’t feel an ounce of guilt for doing what he did. No, he felt...pride. Pride for himself, and pride for Brawler. There was always going to be pride for Brawler, even if he wasn’t there with him anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But this...this sense of accomplishment. He’s never felt it before. He’s lived a life of vulgarity, crime and lies. He was merely an empty husk of a human being with no true purpose.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But now he can say, in his last moments, that he’s finally done something to be proud of. He stopped the evil bitch from doing what she pleased. He avenged his bro. His love. His life. His reason for going on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You sure…” Hoodlum whispered, his thoughts focused on Brawler. He could imagine his face now, beaming in joyous admiration for this.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ha...we’re not so different now.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fought against…”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I can finally say the truth. I’ve murdered someone. I don’t have to lie anymore.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Some tough dudes…”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Am I worthy now? To take your hand? Am I finally truly someone worth being by your side?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re…”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Brawler’s laughter rang in his ears, his excited grin.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“The best…”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>His faded smile as rain poured all around him. His limp body that would no longer take breaths. The utter despair he felt. The pure emptiness as he moved on with the other Akudamas.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bro…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A smile slowly spread across his face. Yes...he’s finally at peace. He ended Doctor’s reign of terror. He avenged his true love. His chest felt light. His entire body felt weightless. And though he felt cold, laying in a warm pool of his own blood, he didn’t mind. He knew, beyond a shadow of doubt, that Brawler was there, cheering him on. Maybe he’ll go to hell for this, but that was fine. He was fine with it. As long as his love was watching over him from afar. He was able to go on without any regrets.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s made some shitty life choices, done many things he’s regretted, but meeting Brawler wasn’t one of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His eyes shut, and his body went limp.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Not gonna lie when I made "An Idiot's Love" I did NOT expect this. I was initially gonna make a oneshot based right after Brawler's death, but I was distracted with other things, then we saw episode 9 and I decided to write kind of a combination of episode 6 vs 9, and I'm finally getting around to it.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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